The day computer applications can infer and act on the work i *ought* to be doing is the day computing becomes glorious

The last month or so of my life have pretty much been a blur with all sorts of life experiences and stories happening along the way. But what I want to share is the story of Gizmo, our ferret who is going blind.

You see, we just moved from Iowa to Oregon and we noticed while driving west that when Gizmo wasn't in her usual living quarters she would fall off the occasional hotel bed, run into the leg of a chair or navigate a new location by tracing out the perimeter of the room.

In our new house she exhibited similar behaviour, running into a wall every now and then or playing with her sister and falling off the couch or being extra sensitive to loud sounds. The vet says she will eventually be completely blind.

I'm sad that she's losing her vision while also completely blown away by her refusal to be the victim in all of this. I've read stories of ferrets who are going blind and will no longer leave their cage and bite whoever tries to ge them out. Other ferrets will no longer play or explore and just shut down. But Gizmo is just as curious as she ever was, and she's even created a new system to map out her territory. We've noticed that she grabs a mouthful of food and leaves bits of it along the walls or at a corner or near where she likes to sleep, almost as if she's guiding herself by the scent of the food. Now, ferrets hiding food is not unusual, but the amount of food she hides and the locations are an entirely new behavior to her.

I'm blessed to have such a joyful bundle of energy in my life. She inspires me with her continuing curiousity for new things. We've been taking the ferrets for bike rides and the LOVE being in the silent, open air. Gizmo gives me hope that abundance is always there no matter what other forces might also be in motion. I'm grateful for your teaching.

Serves: 2

4 eggs
1 tablespoon grated parmeson cheese
1 tablespoon grated chedder cheese
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper (or ground red pepper for pizazz)
1/8 teaspoon garlic salt
1 tablespoon diced onion
1/2 cup sliced mushrooms
1 cup fresh spinach, torn into small pieces

Directions

1. In a small bowl add the eggs and beat them ~10 minutes until a frothy mousse forms on top. This results in a very light omelette since the egg whites are whipped. Add cheeses, salt, pepper and garlic salt and mix well.
2. In a 8-inch skillet melt some butter and saute the onion. A couple minutes later add the mushrooms and after that the spinach. Cook the spinach until it's wilted. Add the egg mixture from step 1 and as it cooks, lift the sides of the mixture up and over to allow the still liquid parts to flow to the bottom of the pan. When the center of the omelette starts to look dry, it's done.

I've been noticing lately how much of my life is controlled by fear. I constantly feel threatened, as if I always have to stand guard and protect what is mine and what is me. It's disappointing because I want nothing more than to connect with people and this fear-based decision model works in the exact opposite manner. The more I use it, the bigger the boundaries become to having an intimate platonic relationship. It's the only model I know though.

I fear losing control. I fear losing my friends and family or that the vision for my company is flawed and doomed for failure. I fear I'm not a good enough husband. I have all sorts of fears that would stifle my growth if I think about them all the time. The problem is I *do* think about all the time, subconsciously. I'm tired of this ruleset being the criteria of how I respond.

Today I realized that all my fears can be lumped into one giant fear. Can you guess what that might be? My biggest fear is not wanting to be alone. That's the parent fear spawning off all its symptomatic siblings. I don't want to lose control because I don't know what I might do and people might not like me. If I'm a bad husband my wife might leave me, and so on.

Why do I not want to be alone? Because what I identify as *me* is my body and brains and If I'm separate, then I have something to protect which creates an obstacle to love. Love is open and honest and knows no boundaries. How can I really experience love when I'm too occupied building barriers?

What if I'm more than just my brains and body? What if I'm everything? What if I'm also you? I had an experience the other day of never being born. Sure, I was a baby and given a name and I have parents, but I felt as if I existed before that. This isn't reincarnation I'm referring to but an experience of the law that matter is neither created nor destroyed, it simply changes forms. I changed forms.

Take a moment to become everything. How big are you? See if you can find any boundaries to who you are. Now take a look at fear. Do you fear losing control? What is there to lose control of if you're everything? Do you fear being alone? What is there that isn't already you to fear? It's beautiful isn't it? The questions just fall away since there's no longer anything to fear or protect.

Sure, the paradox is that you're both a separate entity and also everything all at once. That's what make being human such a blessing. If we were all energy and just energy, we'd never be able to experience ourselves. Because we're human we have the ability to forget that we're everything and then remember again, and laugh. We are the millions of reflections pointing to the single mirror. We only become afraid when we mistakingly see the reflections as the real thing.

*Photo source